(Originally published to Glitchwave on 9/27/2022)
[Image from igdb.com]
Developer: Eidetic
Publisher: Accolade
Genre(s): 3D Platformer
Platforms: PS1
Release Date: November 25, 1996
“I take back every criticism I gave to Super Mario 64. Mario’s first 3D outing may look like a Rankin Bass production, but it looks divine compared to the Klasky Csupo fever dream here that I could have done a better job at programming.”
“I could move more fluidly than Bubsy if I was hit by a semi-truck and had a Redwood branch shoved up my ass through every subsequent physical therapy session.”
“Is Bubsy voiced by Roseanne Barr? No wonder everyone hates her.”
“Those accolades on the box on some of the most hilariously bullshit or misquoted blurbs I’ve ever seen. Did the guys who wrote those get fired and or bullied into suicide for giving this game the only praise it ever got? Edit: they are both still alive and healthy, family men, but they should still be ashamed of themselves.”
“Ooooh, I get it! It’s supposed to be the dadaist version of Super Mario 64. Very clever, guys. Nice use of irony.”
“The Charlotte Bobcats must have changed their name to make damn sure that they would never be associated with Bubsy, lest they suffer from more humiliation.”
“This game makes Custer’s Revenge tasteful by comparison. That game might have raped indigenous women, but Bubsy 3D raped every one of our senses.”
“Sony must have bombed so hard with this game that they spent the next two console generations compensating for it by offering a myriad of solid 3D platformer franchises, the clear winner over Nintendo overall. In that case, thank you, Bubsy 3D.”
Actually, no. Fuck you, Bubsy 3D. You make me (literally) sick.
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