Sonic Colors Review

 (Originally published to Glitchwave on 6/4/2025)

[Image from glitchwave.com]

Sonic Colors

Developer: Sonic Team

Publisher: Sega

Genre(s): 3D Platformer

Platforms: Wii

Release Date: November 12, 2010

After playing Sonic Unleashed, I stated with steadfast conviction that I would never trust any glowing praise a Sonic fan might express for one of the blue blur’s divisive 3D titles. It’s a “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me” type of scenario, and I should’ve stuck with my gut that knew playing a game where he howls at the moon was going to be dreadful from the get-go. Why, then, have I decided to dive deeper into Sonic’s hazy, post-stardom modern era with the Wii exclusive, Sonic Colors, especially since the Sonic games endemic to Nintendo’s motion-controlled system have also been known to be complete dogshit? If you read the finer notes of my statement, I said that I would no longer listen to the words of Sonic fans. Surprisingly, for the first time since Sonic’s genesis period (no pun intended), Sonic Colors was receiving genuine praise from outside his circle of disturbingly devout fans. Quite frankly, it’s easier to trust the opinions of the sports-watching, god-fearing, laid-getting common folk when it comes to Sonic, for they’d cast all of the collective passion projects on the internet involving Sonic down to the depths of Hell where it belongs. Normal people can enjoy Sonic (a demographic I undoubtedly fall under *cough* *cough*), otherwise, he wouldn’t have skyrocketed to a level of gaming stardom that rivaled Nintendo’s Italian stallion back in the 1990s. Because the sensible majority who had derided Sonic’s output since Sega bowed out of the console market were finally complimenting a new release from the blue blur, and my opinions more or less fall in line with theirs, Sonic Colors had ignited a sense of curiosity in me once again. This time, I actually wasn’t being led astray.

Sonic Colors achieves the fleeting feeling of yesteryear's adulation by dialing a few things back a bit. One aspect of Sonic’s 3D titles that I always found unsavory was writing a grandiose, hyperdramatic story to support and give context to a game’s sequence of levels. The impetus of elevating the scale of a Sonic story is to both expand the narrative potential of a Sonic adventure and match the nuanced, multidimensional range of cinematic space that 3D ushered into the medium. While attempting to grow the series and adapt to the heightened gaming climate brought about by the third dimension, stories revolving around cerebral and or profound themes of time travel, love, and the impending apocalyptic falter in execution when they’re all being driven by a cast of quippy, anthropomorphic characters whose animated designs alone compromise the intended sincerity the story is intended to evoke. One exception the series has produced that does effectively tell a more thought-provoking, emotionally resonating tale is E-102 Gamma’s story from the first Sonic Adventure, only because the robot’s arc was almost completely removed from the game's base plot involving Sonic. After shooting for the moon of cinematic spectacle and failing miserably too many times for comfort, Sonic has returned to the familiar ground of stopping Robotnik/Eggman from committing heinous acts of animal cruelty in the form of self-aggrandized industrialization. Eggman’s scheme as of late is the creation of an interstellar amusement park, another entrepreneurial venture for the awkwardly-shaped mechanical madman. Besides the fact that it continues the trend of Eggman’s properties being eccentric eyesores, the problematic portion of this establishment that obliges Sonic to intervene as always is that it’s actually a front meant to distract Sonic from his actual ambitions: a gigantic mind-control laser pointed at Earth for diabolical reasons one can probably infer for themselves. The power of this laser is being generated by an alien species referred to as “wisps,” and Sonic must liberate these colorful creatures from indentured servitude. Even if the creatures in question are fictional and intergalactic, the premise of Sonic Colors sees Sonic defending an ecosystem of small, helpless lifeforms against the torturous grasp of Eggman, similarly to his glory days on Mobius.

I adore the 3D interpretation of Sonic’s classic conundrum with Eggman (with Tails on the sidelines as the only Sonic friend to accompany him as a sign of great restraint), but several Sonic fans express feelings of dissatisfaction in regards to Sonic rekindling his roots. Specifically, they comment that the concept is beneath the blue blur now, equating Sonic Colors to the impactless, mindless thirty-minute entertainment burst of a Saturday morning cartoon. The denial dealer who sells to the collective Sonic fandom should definitely get pinched, for the dope he’s peddling is too potent for human consumption. Admittedly, Sonic has shown to be an adequate cinematic property only in recent years, far after the release of Sonic Colors. Up until that point and in the years that followed, how many incarnations of a Sonic cartoon series have there been? I rest my case. It’s more than evident that a blue hedgehog stopping the plans of an evil genius is suited for an episodic, early-weekend morning timeslot on television. Playing devil’s advocate for a bit, I can at least sympathize with their complaints that Sonic Colors perhaps lays on the wacky lightheartedness associated with a children’s cartoon series a little too thick. Sonic is more obnoxious than ever, uttering an eye-rolling line of levity intended to be a clever joke at every waking moment. He’s intended to be charmingly witty and confident, but in reality, he’s a loathsome dork. The “baldy nosehair” descriptor of Eggman from the mistranslated words of Sonic and Tails’ wisp friend, Yacker, lives in infamy as an appallingly awful “comedic” line from this game, and the person who wrote this line thinking it would be as funny as Sonic did should be brought to swift and merciless justice. Eggman also has two diminutive, incompetent robot cronies following him around, just like in the first Sonic cartoon series, who are also not as mirthful as their writers seem to think. One moment of genuine amusement from this game came from a Taxi Driver reference, quoting his famous line of isolation because his malfunctioning voice chip was set to “New Yorker.” The constant stream of sophomoric kookiness can grate on the nerves of any player over a single-digit age range. Still, one has to admit that this sort of atmosphere is more appropriate for Sonic than one of epic melodrama.

Beyond the surface that is admittedly hard to stomach at times, most of the remaining elements of Sonic Colors are delightful. Firstly, for a place whose purpose is to deceive Sonic and probably a few major Earth nation governments, Eggman has created quite the vibrant and eclectic theme park. Its eclecticism stems from the fact that the tethered coalition of six planets isn’t limited to collectively recreate Six Flags in space. Each planet that functions as Sonic Colors’ worlds exhibits its own distinct theme based on a recreational establishment that requires a sum of money to attend. The first world that the player is propelled into at the start is a tropical resort, evoking the laidback aura that compels people to drink their weight in pina coladas. “Sweet Mountain” is literally the Land of Chocolate from The Simpsons that Dream Land from the Kirby series has often taken visual inspiration from, and “Aquarium Park” is a series of fairly competent water levels with a wondrous aquatic zoo as their consistent foreground. Combining “Starlight Carnival” and “Asteroid Coaster” would result in the faithful, typical representation of an amusement park, but since they are separated, the former is a vivid display of neon lights and fireworks, while the latter is a bodacious rollercoaster that operates through an oozing array of space rocks. Eat your heart out, Twinkle Park. Planet Wisp, the arboreal home of Eggman’s energy source, is the only world that doesn’t clearly fit the theme, unless someone wants to argue that camping or hiking elicits as much merriment as the themes of the other worlds. Still, “Planet Wisp” is a highlight that contrasts the otherworldly, organic glow of the environment with the ugly, mechanical adulteration of Eggman’s operations superbly. While the diversity between the worlds is outstanding and their respective aesthetics are captivating, the individual levels that comprise these worlds are unfortunately not created equal. The levels are constructed in a linear thread similar to the Super Mario Bros. 3 template, with the world’s boss leading Sonic to a climactic dead end. Each world features approximately six levels before Sonic fights one of Eggman’s robotic contraptions to cap it off, but the issue is that some of these levels are reasonably lengthy, and some are short excursions tied down by a single platforming gimmick like the moving spring pad. It’s reminiscent of how Sonic Unleashed’s worlds pronounced the enormity of the first level while featuring more only as secondary larks, but the first levels of that game were long and arduous enough to span the length of an entire world in Sonic Colors. When Sonic Colors follows the same pattern, there is a disappointing sense of unevenness.

When comparing Sonic Colors to Unleashed, the fact that Colors is a Wii exclusive presents a giant, Egg-Carrier-sized elephant in the room. It’s common knowledge that there was another version of Unleashed on the Wii that was forced to cut much of the content from its HD equivalent, resulting in a radically different product that most people consider to be less-than-definitive. While decreasing the visual fidelity to a modest standard definition and streamlining the hubs for the Wii version of Unleashed may present an argument that Sonic should stray away from Nintendo’s motion-controlled money maker (the dreadful storybook games also adding evidence to this), some feel that a silver lining to subduing Unleashed was that the game was not as marred by the HD version’s ambitions. Sonic Colors is a game marked by restraint, but not compromise. Surprisingly, Sonic Colors managed to continue Unleashed’s modern template for Sonic’s gameplay even on a technically inferior system. Unleashed’s ultimate stride in Sonic innovation with its boost feature persists in Colors, and the nature of manually scraping the sound barrier as Sonic has been streamlined, so the player isn’t punished nearly as often for using this calamitous mechanic. Drifting through curved bends on the tracks is made far more manageable here because Colors offers a break option that slightly interrupts momentum for smoother turning. All the while, reducing the breakneck blast that the boost feature facilitates never feels jaggedly minimized to ensure that the player doesn’t haphazardly kill the blue blur at any point they use this mechanic. Colors also reworks the implementation of Unleashed’s in-level collectibles, swapping for red rings in lieu of contrasting sun and moon medals no longer having any thematic relevance. Besides the shift in color, their significance has also been altered to being completely optional to collect, negating the tedious, pace-breaking slog of having to gather up an inordinate amount of them to progress through the game. Still, it’s recommended that the player make a modicum of effort to collect these rings, for they are in plain sight of the medals from Unleashed and lead the player towards alternate paths in the levels that likely wouldn’t have been discovered otherwise. Overall, the changes that Colors makes to Unleashed’s gameplay formula aren’t the result of having to dilute the high-definition elements of its predecessor due to an inhibited console. Having these alterations here in Colors shows that these quality-of-life enhancements are a product of deep developer consideration that could’ve been implemented on any piece of hardware. On the subject, the quick-time events that plagued Unleashed have been altered entirely into a simple few presses of a single button when Sonic zooms off a ramp. Halle-fucking-lujah.

One might ask if the Wii’s patented motion controls are implemented into Colors in any capacity, and if they are, to what extent does their irritation stem from too much involvement? Fortunately, Colors limits the central gimmick of its hardware to one shake to summon each of the wisp powers. When Sonic runs into a capsule on the track, the wisp inside will grant him their respective powers that add to the depth and variety of Colors’ gameplay. A cyan-color wisp will allow Sonic to dart around a level at immeasurable speeds like a fired laser, stopping the gameplay momentarily so the player can methodically aim its trajectory. A yellow wisp introduced in “Sweet Mountain” allows Sonic to drill through the flaky crust underneath his feet, while an orange rocket propels Sonic vertically into the air in a matter of seconds. Platforming complications can be rectified by either a pink wisp that allows Sonic to climb up walls (like Knuckles) and over spikes (not like Knuckles) or melt the solid foundation of blue blocks into collectible coins with the pink and blue wisps, respectively. The green wisp that transforms Sonic, which allows Sonic to hover at a manageable pace, is quite awkward for its booger-shaped blobbery and how it bounces when it hits an object, and assigning it as the only way Sonic can execute the ring dash, a 3D Sonic requisite, is inexcusable. While the “hover wisp” is the least satisfactory of the bunch, the sinisterly purple “frenzy” wisp is my favorite for its allowance for Sonic to become a rabid animal and expand in size with every object and enemy it chomps on. Somehow, the power of this “corrupt” wisp feels more dangerous and wild than Sonic’s werewolf persona. I appreciate the variety of powers that each wisp offers, and am grateful that these delicate little space buggers are returning the favor to Sonic after he frees them from captivity. Still, using the wisp powers practically feels entirely incidental to certain moments in the level, unlike the boost feature, which can be used on a whim to skillfully augment the standard rate of Sonic’s trajectory. Maybe the wisps feel somewhat gimmicky because they tend to be the dominant mechanic for some of the briefer levels, highlighting the claim of their incidental nature even further.

Perhaps the wisps would feel like a stronger, more clever inclusion into Sonic Colors if they were a prominent key to defeating the bosses, like an item gained in a Zelda dungeon. Really, anything would’ve been appreciated in sprucing up the paltry selection of bosses that Colors displays. In essence, Colors features three boss battles, a robotic eye in a hamster wheel arena, a ship captain, and a flying frigate that Sonic chases and dismantles piece by piece. These three are repeated once more for the later worlds with marginal differences in difficulty and arena conditions. Not only does the repetition grate on the player, but the general ease of these bosses compounds the lukewarm feelings to total apathy. Some of the wisps are included in these bouts, but why would I use them when Sonic’s base moveset will prove to be just as effective, and quicker, I might add, in dispatching them? The only admirable boss fight in Colors is the climactic one with Eggman’s Nega-Wisp, who uses the powers of the wisps to combat Sonic as opposed to the inverse scenario. While this lengthy duel against Eggman is more substantial than the bosses leading up to it, as a final boss should ideally be, chasing it while avoiding its firepower reminds me of many bosses from Unleashed. Dare I say, but I’ve realized that the ones from the previous game proved to be more exhilarating and offered a heftier challenge. When an aspect from Unleashed proves to be better, it should embarrass Colors even more to have neglected the one factor, considering how many of Unleashed’s attributes it improves upon.

I’ve come to the realization after exploring Sonic’s gameography (is this a real term?) that it's a series that exemplifies the career arc of a rockstar more than any other series in gaming. It reveled in the excess that came with success in its prime period, and crashed mighty hard when its label (Sega’s console market) dropped them. Games like its 2006 self-titled and Sonic Unleashed were a period where tabloids took a humiliating snapshot of Sonic’s burnt-out malaise, which concerned former fans who remembered his former glory. After hitting rock bottom, meditating on the source of his problems, and going to rehab to halt his ego-trip, Sonic Colors is the product of the blue hedgehog’s newfound sobriety. Admittedly, it exhibits aspects that I find either underwhelming or unsavory, but the high notes of Sonic Colors more than match any of the best moments from the series’ glory days. Hopefully, Sonic won’t relapse into its tendencies for broken, unfeasible ambitions again and continue this unexpected instance of high quality into a streak that will save the hedgehog from continuing to dig the grave it almost fell into *ahem.*

Sonic Unleashed Review

(Originally published to Glitchwave on 2/26/2025)

 

[Image from glitchwave.com]

Sonic Unleashed

Developer: Sega

Publisher: Sega

Genre(s): 3D Platformer, Beat 'em Up

Platforms: PS3, Xbox 360

Release Date: November 20, 2008

The silver lining in playing the eponymous 2006 Sonic game is that any one of the blue blur's titles will seem like a breath of fresh air in comparison. Now that the worst is out of the way, it's time to let my guard down and treat myself to a bonafide Sonic delight...with the game where he transforms into a werewolf…

*sigh* Well, I didn’t say that every Sonic game released after his stinking self-titled 3D game was a masterpiece. The blue blur’s near future peeking over the horizon was brighter, but only marginally so, like the blackness of night reverted back to the dim shade of dusk instead of the shining radiance of a new morning. Naturally, everyone knows that the waning light of evening shade is not bright enough to have a picnic. While Sonic Unleashed did not plunge down to the abyssal cesspit of gaming’s greatest failures like the HD Sonic game before it, it still didn’t redeem Sonic in the eyes of the general gaming public. All it did was supply more verifiable proof that Sonic should’ve been buried alongside Sega’s other stalwart series when their tenure in the console market had fizzled out, even in spite of Sonic’s higher status as a revered gaming celebrity. Since Sonic Unleashed made the stain that Sonic 06 imprinted on the franchise more salient, it’s been given the same retrospective treatment that all of the other once-slandered 3D Sonic games have been blessed with. It is now a lauded cult classic amongst the delusionally dutiful Sonic fans, receiving genuine praise in hindsight rather than the polite leeways given to his 2006 effort (using the term pejoratively). Upon noticing that these 3D Sonic games that were once perceived as pisspoor were garnering new assessments with so much time passed, I still remained skeptical regarding Sonic 06. I attempted to appreciate the finer details of its level design and ambitious narrative, but every time I tried to stop and smell the roses, the game ravaged me mercilessly like a randy roadside trucker. Of course, I never let my guard down, so I was never too disappointed. However, with Sonic Unleashed, I fully trusted the fans’ laudation, and I was foolish enough to believe them. I’ll certainly never do that again.

From every initial impression, everyone can plainly see that the primary driving force/gimmick of Sonic Unleashed’s conceptual identity is that Sonic periodically transforms into a mangier, toothier version of himself that resembles a beast from mythical werewolf lore. How did Sonic come in contact with a howling, nocturnal terror, and how did it catch up with him to sink its teeth into his flesh? The game’s introduction reveals that Sonic was not afflicted with the werewolf curse in the traditional fashion. Instead, the fate befell him when he meddled with Eggman’s newest scheme. Similarly to Sonic 06, Sonic Unleashed felt it necessary to start the story with Eggman engaging in some new nefarious deed, only for it to be momentarily halted by Sonic’s heroism. However, where Sonic won the battle in Sonic 06’s introduction while the war waged on, the falling action of Unleashed’s opening sequence sees Sonic undergo more blowback than ever. Eggman manages to trap Sonic in an electrical vice that saps all of his Super Sonic energy, and the mix of anger and anguish somehow results in Sonic’s hair and teeth growing exponentially. Since Sonic is subdued, Eggman can carry on with his plans, which involve firing a colossal energy cannon onto a planet that divides it into fragments. After he succeeds, he disposes of Sonic like trash by releasing the oxygen valve of his spaceship, blasting Sonic into the infinite plain of the universe. Unleashed has evidently taken a note from Super Mario Galaxy and showcased the high stakes of the story by illustrating that evil can win and our intrepid protagonist can be smote. It’s an especially humbling scene for Sonic, for he’s got a reputation for being the cockiest sumbitch in the gaming medium. His friends aren’t in the vicinity to avenge him, and he can’t harness the power of “chaos control” to teleport himself to safety. His doom seems sealed here, and it's sure to strike a chord in the Sonic fanbase.

Of course, we know full well that Sonic cannot be permanently vanquished, much less in an opening cutscene. Still, Eggman rupturing an entire planet sets a grim precedent that suggests Sonic will have his work cut out for him once he recuperates. Conveniently, Sonic is sucked into the gravitational pull of the shattered globe and lands briskly on the soil of the land of Apotos where he is greeted by a mysterious, furry pixie creature that he dubs “Chip.” Roaming around the hub of the hilly valley, the player might notice that this land shares several architectural similarities with the country of Greece. The stark similarities are no coincidence, as the collective of Unleashed’s levels/hubs are concretely modeled after real-world locations. Every subsequent 3D Sonic game distanced him further away from his home planet of Mobius and leaned Sonic closer towards integrating with humanity, and catapulting the blue blur into a simulacrum of our beloved Earth is about as close he’s going to get to vicariously interacting with the player. Personally, it’s a little too close for comfort. When Sonic flies out of Apotos on Tails’ biplane, every destination afterwards demonstrates the same discernible parallels to the same degree as the first area. Africa is represented twice on the world map, with Shamar representing the northern, Arabic Middle Eastern section and Mazuri the vast savannah of the Serengeti. For more urban locales, Spagonia is evidently Italy with its Euro-romantic atmosphere, while Empire City is an on-the-nose depiction of the congested cityscape of New York City. Chun-nan is unmistakably China, but I cannot say for certain whether or not Adabat is also another strip of Asia or an island nation in the Pacific. The frigid Holoska irks me a bit, for there is no place on Earth where penguins and indigenous Eskimo people coexist. Still, I quite enjoyed my time playing “Where in the world is Sonic the Hedgehog?” Globetrotting around the uncanny, cartoonish mirror image of our world evidently provides enough diversity without having to tap into the exhausted roulette of typical elemental tropes found across most games in the platformer genre. Plus, Sonic being placed among the humans in this game isn’t as off putting as it was in the hub of Soleanna because the NPCs are also rendered to be as animated looking as Sonic. The areas are, without a doubt, the most inspired and interesting aspect of Sonic Unleashed.

But how do these comparatively domestic locales fare as Sonic levels? Quite beautifully, actually. With great consideration, Sega has managed to reconfigure the exhilarating spectacle of something like Green Hill Zone or Lost World in an environment that is somewhat confined to real-world parameters. Greece is already a picturesque country in the real world, so imagine ripping through grind rails above its crisp blue waters while its postcard-worthy landscapes are situated as backdrops. The same sense of wonder and amazement that comes with zooming through a divine urban environment is exuded to the same extent in Spagonia, with the clocktower as the centerpiece of the action that is a blast to scale upward and downward with Sonic’s outstanding velocity. Holska’s thick walls of ice serve as perfect tracks for ice luge segments, and after sliding down the frosty channels, Sonic scales the backside of a gigantic arctic whale before being jetted into the sky by the stream of water ejected from its blowhole. Running through the winding dragon constructs in Chun-nan is a fantastic integration of regional set pieces in the level design, and coasting through the Brooklyn Bridge in seconds in Empire City is a cathartic achievement for any American such as myself. For settings that are seemingly confined to elements of the real world, Sega has managed to make the most ostentatious Sonic levels the series has ever seen. However, the selection is a bit top-heavy as every level I’ve described is the first act of three. I’m thankful that the mandatory level that progresses the game is the tour de force, but every level in the same area that follows is an unsubstantial, smaller reshaping of what the player has already experienced.

However, the breathtaking exhilaration that comes with each level is significantly diminished by Sonic’s gameplay. Every Sonic fan who adores Unleashed claims that its stages are faultless, but I’ve discovered several refutes to their assessments that are too numerous to count. One particular innovation on Sonic’s gameplay that debuts in Unleashed is the boost mechanic. Provided Sonic has enough rings, holding down a certain button on the controller will hasten his maximum speed to a precarious degree unseen in any previous Sonic title. Any seasoned Sonic fan will know that precariousness with Sonic will often lead to calamity, which happened far too often in Unleashed for me to appreciate the breakneck pace that the game fosters. Given that Unleashed is still a platformer like all of the Sonic titles before it, one can assume that there are obstacles intended to impede the progress of the player, and failing to navigate through said obstacles will often result in an untimely death via sharp arrays of spikes or falling down bottomless pits. With Sonic constantly blazing through these levels at the unparalleled rate of speed that Unleashed sanctions, one can imagine how common an occurrence it is that the player will haphazardly kill Sonic when confronted with more complicated terrain that they couldn’t have possibly anticipated. Not only is the likelihood of Sonic’s demise increased by the mismatching of speed and methodical jumping, but it's bound to happen countless times because there are so many instances of these deadly platforming buffers scattered throughout each level. Sonic has to slow to a crawl to turn through a particularly sharp bend of highway road in Empire City because the drift mechanic is incredibly tanky, and the grind rail sections tend to thwart the player by sticking a ball of spikes on the end of a line that fatally trip Sonic into the abyss if the player doesn’t course correct in a literal split second. Immediately as Sonic prepares to rush into Adabat, navigating through the boardwalk right at the very beginning involves dashing over wooden flooring designed diagonally like a crossword puzzle at a speed so reckless that Sonic should be fined a ticket for endangering himself. A challenging section that tests the player’s proficiency with the quick step mechanic is appropriate for a later level, but does it have to take place during the first few seconds of the level before the player has time to take their first breath? Even if the player is shrewd enough to catch the intermittent platforming sections that shift the perspective slightly, carefully placing Sonic on the platforms with precision is not guaranteed. Sonic’s overall control, no matter the context, always has the antsy acceleration to it like he’s itching to blast off, so slipping off the platforms with his eagerness is also a likely scenario that is bound to aggravate the player. Course correcting with the homing attack is also not an option anymore, thanks to the boost mechanic. And here I thought that 3D Sonic remedied the recurring issue that classic Sonic had with imperceptible obstacles stalling Sonic dead in his tracks. Did Sega not think that sprinting through loops bouncing all over as Sonic wasn’t stimulating enough? If the boost mechanic were present with the level design from either Sonic Adventure title, it would be heavenly. Alas, placing constant impediments in front of Sonic at Mach speed is pure hell, making for the most brutally unyielding, memorization-intensive Sonic game to date. The player should not be forced to master a level just to finish it.

If I have found so many grievances with what is perceived as the solid half of Unleashed’s gameplay, imagine the vitriol I’m going to spew in regards to the other half of the game that even the game’s enthusiasts can’t earnestly defend. In disregard of storied werewolf logic, every nightly eclipse of the sun by the moon, no matter its shape, transforms Sonic into his grizzlier counterpart. Instead of rolling around at the speed of sound, Werewolf (sorry, “werehog”) Sonic’s levels are slower-paced beat ‘em up sections, scratching and gnashing at armies of foes and racking up hit combos in the process. The languidness of the werewolf sections also gives way to incorporating puzzles and platforms of a more methodical variety. Truthfully, the night sections of Unleashed are an honest-to-God homage to God of War. Not only should the beat ‘em up combat ring familiar, but Unleashed also adopts idiosyncrasies specific to Sony’s ancient Greek epic, with quick time events and balance beams galore. I’d like to add that these particular attributes are not exactly upstanding merits to God of War’s gameplay, so imagine how poorly they are executed in Unleashed’s imitation of them. Similar to Kratos, Werehog Sonic is an elephant constantly being forced to climb a tree. He's a strapping creature capable of mass destruction, expected to perform feats out of his physical element. Even with the innate ability to double jump, Werehog Sonic couldn’t even dunk on a driveway basketball hoop. Every leap to another platform should involve a frantic tapping of the button that latches Sonic onto the edges, for it’s the only way to ensure that his lack of acrobatic skill, matched with the finicky target system, won’t result in Sonic screaming his head off as he falls to his untimely death. Any section involving climbing poles is especially aggravating, for the directional controls seldom cooperate with the player’s intended trajectory for jumping off. As for Werehog Sonic’s forte of beat ‘em up combat, it’s fairly adequate. The Werehog will alternate between light and heavy attacks with his strangely elastic arms between two buttons, and the effectiveness of his punches and scratches can be increased with the yellow, floating spinning tops accumulated through defeating enemies in a menu that appears upon completing a level. Werehog Sonic can also ignite a fury mode of sorts with enough auxiliary energy that will allow him to tear through Eggman’s rotund robots and the shadowy lizard creatures like a buzzsaw through a log. The Werehog’s shield only having a finite amount of uses is absolute bullshit, however. While the combat itself is fine, it greatly wears out its welcome due to each Werehog level presenting a consecutive stream of battle bouts per level. Because the Werehog is Sonic’s slower alter ego, each of his levels takes approximately 20-30 minutes to finish on average, five to six times the run time of a regular Sonic level. Even the alternate gameplay of other characters in previous Sonic games didn’t prolong their levels to that sluggish extent. On the subject of 3D Sonic’s tendency to incorporate other variations of gameplay, the Werehog by far presents the greatest dichotomy to the widest and worst degree. The formula of repetitive combat sequences with rigid and awkward platforming segments turning the tedium into utter frustration always proved to be a full-on assault to my patience and well-being. The Werehog levels make me want to shoot Sonic with a silver bullet to put him out of his misery, or shoot myself with one if it's the quicker method to stop playing these godforsaken levels.

To add insult to injury, there were plenty of intermission moments in between the action stages because said stages were inaccessible. Out of the player’s peripheral vision in either the action stages or the hubs, one might notice some tokens scattered about with either a sun or crescent moon pattern painted on them. If one assumes that these collectibles are an optional lark, one had better think again. Collecting the medals of contrasting cosmic bodies is paramount to progression, and the later levels in the game require an outrageous amount to unlock them. Sonic’s gameplay has always somewhat fit the classification of a platformer, but never the collectathon subfaction of them for reasons that should be obvious. Gathering all of these circular trinkets is somewhat appropriate for the Werehog stages, for the slower pace of his gameplay gives him ample opportunity to digress from progression to search meticulously. However, sun medals are far more common and plentiful than the moon ones in the Werehog stages while the opposite is true for Sonic during the daytime. In order to access the Werehog stages, the game seriously expects Sonic to divert from his path of perilously blazing through the stage to stop and consider the possibility that a medal might be located in an inconspicuous corner. As expected, halting Sonic’s momentum this drastically is counterintuitive to his distinguishing, speedy gameplay. Besides the nonsensical manner in which these medals are collected, having to uncover over one hundred of each type of medal to gain passage to every level the game offers is ludicrous and turns the game into a grinding regimen. The ordeal is so vexing and wearisome that it provides more reason to cock the hypothetical gun I mentioned in the last paragraph.

Once the player manages to persevere through the medal collecting process and survive every action stage, they still won’t be ready to face the challenges that arise in Unleashed’s climax. After the second and equally unmemorable segment of flying Tails’ biplane, Sonic will be confronted with the fresh fruits of Eggman’s labor. Since Eggman could continue his business after momentarily smiting Sonic in the introduction, his uninterrupted schedule has allowed him to create a passion project he’s mentioned many times before. “Eggmanland” is the sprawling city in the doctor’s image that he always sought to construct, a gaudy industrial theme park drenched in a sleazy, nightlife neon. Sonic must wipe this abominable metropolis off the map by navigating through it as Unleashed’s climactic level, and it’s one hell of a grandiose finale. In saying this, the intended context I’m trying to illustrate with the scope of Eggman Land is that it’s an endurance test to end all endurance tests. Six segments divide the total length of Eggmanland’s run time, alternating between regular Sonic and his beastly form. Besides the upset of the tides that are bound to transpire with the abrupt hourglass switches, every segment that comprises the run time of Eggmanland features what are undoubtedly the most brutal gameplay segments across Unleashed’s play time. Platforming as the Werehog on pipes overlooking a river of lava takes extreme precision to keep him from smoldering to a crisp, and the bombardment of Eggman’s robots antagonizing Werehog Sonic is far more overwhelming to confront than any combat encounters in previous levels. Normal Sonic isn’t off the hook either, as the cheeky Eggman bumpers have strict hitboxes and the luge section is fit for an Olympic event. The quick time events that correlate with the wall jumps here require such lightning-fast reaction time that I resorted to pausing the game to prepare. No comment. With the player’s ego being curb-stomped at every waking moment in Eggmanland, what makes this unmitigated onslaught particularly maddening is that all six segments aren’t registered as individual acts. The approximate time to complete all six segments that comprise Eggmanland can take anywhere between 45 minutes to *over a fucking hour* to complete. I guess this nightmare of a level should be expected when Eggman’s evil ambitions finally come to fruition, and it makes for what is definitively the most grueling and punishing Sonic level in existence–even among contenders like Labyrinth Zone and Cannon’s Core. Whoever at Sega devised this fuckness should be put on trial for committing a crime against humanity.

When the player eventually receives a hint of relief upon finishing Eggmanland, Unleashed refuses to put the brakes on the game’s unrelenting momentum. Up until Eggmanland, one aspect of Unleashed that I quite enjoyed was the boss battles, whose fights barricaded the entrance to the temples. Denting Eggman’s various animal mechs was an absolute thrill that utilized Sonic’s newfound, blisteringly-fast speed better than the actual levels leading up to them, and the game even managed to produce some engaging bosses with the Werehog’s beat ‘em up gameplay despite how many quick time events were included to ruin them. Eggman’s last hurrah with the Egg Dragoon is also a fine inclusion to finish off the mad doctor’s newest roulette of mechs, and I wish it were the final duel of Unleashed.

Eggman’s impetus for cracking open the earth with a concentrated blast was to awaken a sinister entity called Dark Gaia, prophetically foretold to obliterate the world once every ten millennia. Because Eggman has prematurely disturbed this harbinger of the apocalypse in an effort to control it, he’s ready to erase the world as we know it. As per the thematic constructs of Unleashed, there has to be a benevolent counterpart to Dark Gaia’s malevolence, and the opposite on that spectrum is none other than Chip. The embodiment of goodwill in its premature form as a furry little pixie creature makes sense…I think. In the final moments of Unleashed, Chip finally starts contributing to the narrative and combats his evil twin by forming a giant stone golem to duke it out in epic kaiju fashion. The rinse and repeat process of steadily flying towards him as he pelts Chip’s rock-em sock-em boulder man with meteors and laser blasts deviates from any other form of Sonic gameplay so radically that it's inappropriate for it to culminate in the climax. When Sonic has the opportunity to close in on Dark Gaia and the gameplay reverts back to something familiar, the requirements to deliver the critical blows to Dark Gaia are so strict that it's bound to deplete as many lives as Eggmanland. Even when the game features the obligatory Super Sonic section, destroying Dark Gaia’s snakes while minding Chip’s health simultaneously barely acts as the simple period that finalizes the adventure. Being invulnerable is what makes him super! Dark Gaia kept proverbially dunking my head underwater after I almost drowned in Eggmanland’s unwavering brutality, and I couldn’t have been more relieved when it was finally over.

From this day forward, all praise that Sonic fans espouse regarding the blue blur’s 3D output will be falling on deaf ears. I’m convinced that Sonic fans only adore the speedy spectacle that comes with the whirlwind flight that comes with daytime Sonic, and I can’t deny that it’s intoxicating. However, getting swiftly kicked in the yarbles with the countless lethal obstacles interrupting that rush is not my definition of fun. Needless to say, I’m also echoing the sentiment that the Werehog stages are a slog, so both gameplay styles in Unleashed pissed me off in equal measure. Add a mandatory grinding mechanic to the narrative that is ultimately arbitrary in the grand scheme of things, plus a level that encapsulates what gaming damnation likely is, and Sonic Unleashed changes from a curiosity to a source of offense and befuddlement at its newfound acclaim. It’s at least better than Sonic 06, but this is not a metric that future Sonic games should strive for. Hell, if Sonic 06 had that valuable time to marinate into a competent product, it probably would’ve been better than Sonic Unleashed.

Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic '06) Review

 (Originally published to Glitchwave on 11/21/2024)

[Image from glitchwave.com]

Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic '06)

Developer: Sega/Sonic Team

Publisher: Sega

Genre(s): 3D Platformer

Platforms: Xbox 360, PS3

Release Date: November 14, 2006

If you knew the lengths I went through in order to play this game, you’d think that I was fucking insane. Missing out on Sonic’s big leap to the seventh generation of gaming initially felt like being too sick to attend the school field trip to Six Flags. You can imagine my disappointment that the blue blur’s next big release during the era of my childhood where I still harbored a genuine enthusiasm for Sega’s speedy mascot was going to be released exclusively to two separate, brand-spanking-new consoles that were too rich for my parent’s blood–even for the most prosperous Christmases. Alas, as history tells it, not experiencing Sonic the Hedgehog, or “Sonic ‘06’” as it’s colloquially known, at its launch when I was ten was a fortunate happenstance akin to being absent on the day of a school shooting. The self-titled 3D Sonic was not that satisfying successor to the two Sonic Adventure games that I had yearned for after Sonic Heroes left me jilted with its shifting of the Sonic formula: it was a categorical disaster of inconceivable proportions and a record-breaking low for the franchise that caused irrevocable damage. The game may share the moniker of a once-respected video game series, but this game is commonly uttered under the same breath as the all-time losers of the medium like E.T. and Superman 64. Yes, it’s that bad. By the time I owned an Xbox 360 in 2009, I was thirteen and my interest in Sonic had waned in favor of more mature interests like boobs and heavy metal (and my gaming habits were contingent on the trends of online multiplayer first-person shooters because of my friends on XboxLive as well), so I couldn’t be bothered to listen to the warning of a soul-crushingly awful Sonic game anyway. When the “social era” of gaming had come and gone and my inclinations became entirely independent, my Xbox 360’s disc drive became kaputt again and I did not bother going through the arduous and time-consuming process of fixing it as I had done five times already. Sonic ‘06 was and still isn’t available on the Xbox One’s backwards-compatible catalog, so the opportunity to give into the temptation of playing Sonic ‘06 was voided. That is until I purchased a used PS3 to experience the exclusives endemic to that system and realized that Sonic ‘06 was also released for the alternate seventh-generation console that I passed on at the time. One quick visit to Ebay and voila–the infamous Sonic ‘06 was in my possession as well as the functional hardware that supports it. One might be dumbfounded at the painstaking effort I went through to play a game that had evidently escaped my grasp due to divine circumstances for so many years, but I could not in good conscience skip Sonic ‘06 after reviewing every 3D Sonic game up to it. Like a prostate exam, I had to bend over and accept the pain, even though the game’s shockingly inexcusable quality makes this metaphorical health examination especially painful like it’s being conducted by Lou Ferrigno.

Despite the notorious reputation Sonic ‘06 has garnered, it isn’t to say that the game is totally bereft of any admirable qualities, which might be my continual thesis for this game as the review progresses. Firstly, the opening cinematic that begins Sonic’s campaign is nothing short of stunning. The evening glow of dusk and the skybound sparkle of fireworks gleaming off of the flowing water surrounding this intricately-designed urban landscape is a sight to behold, and the scope of the scene couldn’t have been achieved on the sixth-generation consoles that I owned when the game was released. High definition, indeed. All of this striking visual flair on display is for the purpose of detailing the conflict catalyst that spurs the game’s events, which obviously involves Dr. Eggman/Robotnik in some capacity. This time around, the bulbous robotics genius with the mustache that rivals the length of the average person’s arm span is harassing a red-headed girl named Elise, a princess in a royal family that governs the city setting. What could be the reason for Eggman’s fierce intimidation towards this girl who has never caused him any harm? A chaos emerald, of course–particularly the one she wears around her neck that Eggman needs to uncover some sort of mythical treasure that the universe houses. The princess of Soleanna doesn’t face the consequences for hesitating in complying towards Eggman’s aggressive orders to hand it over, for Sonic duly interrupts the doctor’s schemes as scheduled. Sonic escapes the ruined ceremony with Elise in his arms, but he quickly loses her to Eggman’s gigantic mech with kinetic opposable fingers. Sonic’s rescue mission may have been all for naught, but what he did accomplish without compromise is the swift proficiency he used to trounce Eggman’s robot fleet in the introductory cutscene. The high-definition fluidity of the cinematic action during the cutscene is Sonic at his most badass. It’s another mark of incredible presentational prowess this game bestows, and I’ll bet the Deviantart faction of the Sonic fandom was creaming their jeans upon seeing it for the first time.

Another compliment I will pay to Sonic ‘06 regarding its HD presentation is that the human characters in the game are equally as graphically refined as their surroundings. Or, at least they look impressive in a vacuum. Elise is a contentious character in the greater Sonic universe for a myriad of valid reasons, but the innocent and cherub-cheeked visage of a young princess is accurately portrayed with this enhanced visual fidelity. In brief, the core issue revolving around this character is that her relationship with Sonic is creepy. Sure, the classic “knight in shining armor” dynamic that Sonic has with Elise certainly calls for some romantic palpability, but I bet the ancient epic writers of yore never anticipated that their archetypal story structures would ever include a blue, anthropomorphic hedgehog in the heroic role. Such an idea would be perceived as a crime against humanity. Obviously, their relationship never verges into obscene beastiality territory, but even the slight hints at a budding romance between Sonic and Elise are enough to throw off my appetite. Lock up your daughters, guys, because Sonic the Hedgehog is on the prowl looking to press his gloves up against their bodies in an intimate embrace. Gross.

The interspecies love between girl and hedgehog is also indicative of a prevalent problem with the human characters of Sonic ‘06. Each of the human NPCs are rendered with an intricate amount of detail that would be impressive for any video game, but they look off-putting contrasted with the cartoonish Sonic and his furry friends. The presence of human characters in the Sonic franchise became prevalent in the 3D era, but they’ve been tolerable up until now. Sonic Adventure 2 relegated them to the occasional cutscene, and the denizens of Station Square in the first Sonic Adventure resembled that of plastic dolls rather than flesh and blood people. Eggman is the sole human character with a consistent presence in the Sonic series, but his features have always verged into caricature territory. With the advanced tint of high definition, the juxtaposition between realism and animated fantasy is jarring, to say the least. The NPCs exaggerating their interactions with Sonic in such goofy fashions like rapidly flapping their gums and flailing their arms with the drama of an angry Italian doesn’t lower their personhood to Sonic’s realm of animation: it just looks like they might be affected by a gas leak that’s permeating around the city.

The uncanniness of the human NPCs is mostly confined to the game’s hub world. An attribute from the first Sonic Adventure returns, and I would’ve been delighted as a kid because I found the freeform environment of the three hubs to be one of the most engaging aspects of the debut 3D Sonic title–even though they’re all kind of bland in retrospect. However, the generic nature of Station Square and the Mystic Ruins is admirable in its simplicity. Another evolving factor of 3D Sonic that is also rather unsavory is that the series has become a bit pretentious with polygons allowing them to tell weightier stories with an elevated narrative scope. The grandiose spectacle of the opening cutscene has often been compared to Final Fantasy in ridicule, but I’ve been comparing 3D Sonic to Square’s extravagantly overblown JRPG series ever since Shadow sulked his way into Sonic Adventure 2. Soleanna, the primary setting of Sonic ‘06, is another example of the series reaching for something out of its element. This Euro-inspired metropolis with Venetian Gothic architecture shares a strong resemblance to the real-world city of Venice located in northeastern Italy, and this particular urban area is renowned for its seductive atmosphere. It’s a picturesque paradise perfect for a honeymoon or any other romantic getaway. Is Sega suggesting that romance is a key component to Sonic ‘06 considering the sumptuous environment with canals galore that he finds himself in? I’ll wager that if Sonic gives into feelings of twitterpation, the target of his passion will not be Amy Rose. Sega, no one will think Sonic is a devilish casanova if he dicks down that human princess girl. Stop it. Your attempts to facilitate this outcome are as laughably awkward as when Attack of the Clones borrowed the same Venice-esque setpieces to blossom Anakin and Padme’s shoehorned relationship. Even if the developers never intended for love to permeate through the air, Soleanna’s ornate architecture still clashes with Sonic’s animated aesthetic as sharply as its human denizens. Maybe Soleanna bothers me because navigating through it trying to find the right objective is as unclear as the water in the Baltimore harbor. Where’s the Tikal energy ball when you actually need it?

But everything I’ve criticized Sonic ‘06 on so far has been nothing short of fastidious nitpicking. Every aspect of the game I discuss from here on out will get into the nitty gritty of why Sonic ‘06 is as critically castigated as it is, listing all of the aspects that made me want to castrate myself for ever considering purchasing this piece of shit game. Frankly, I don’t have a clue which list item to start with because the flaws of Sonic ‘06 are far too numerous and equally as vexing. I guess my first point of contention is with the abysmally long loading screens, for they’re an immediately noticeable issue as soon as Sonic encounters Tails a few seconds after the opening sequence ends. To test the absurd pause time of these loading screens, I went upstairs to use the bathroom in order to see if the game would still be loading when I returned. It HAD loaded, but the fact that I was confident enough that I’d have wasted zero time in my brief absence is a clear enough indication that the game’s buffering periods will have the player checking their watch/phone clock and stamp their feet with impatience as Sonic used to do back he was depicted with 16-bits graphics. These swathes of buffering also occur at every conceivable intermittent moment throughout the game, whether it be when Sonic reaches another section of a level or cycling through sub-mission requests assigned by the NPCs. Having to sit through TWO ungodly long loading screens in the process of reaching a simple side quest is ludicrous. Constantly implementing these prolonged sequences of inactivity subtly suggests that the game is struggling to keep up with the HD standard of its console like a fat chronic smoker after walking for more than a minute. As par for the course regarding an infamously atrocious game, Sonic ‘06 is naturally overflowing with glitches like a swarm of maggots infesting a corpse. These glitches include, but are certainly not limited to; Sonic continuing to perform the oscillating wildly animation when he runs into something while running precariously, tripping on inexplicable objects that awkwardly halt Sonic’s movement, Sonic freezing when he’s meets an unagreeable angle on the field, and countless instances of collapsing through the game’s fragile foundation into a wormhole of oblivion. I’ve yet to encounter any of the glitches that either Sonic Adventure title has been rumored to be rife with, but encountering bugs that break Sonic ‘06 is as commonplace as finding actual bugs in the humid swamps of the Everglades.

In what is either out of genuine delight or a coping mechanism at play, the varied array of bugs and glitches that plague Sonic ‘06 are a source of amusement for the more optimistic Sonic fans, laughing at the game for its litany of glaring issues like a shoddy B-movie. I, on the other hand, cannot join the cackling crowd treating their experiences with this game like it’s Mystery Science Theater because all of the flaws of Sonic ‘06 were busy beating me senseless. On a deeper fundamental level past the comedic visual glitches lies their absolute fracturing of Sonic’s controls and how he interacts with his environment. Whereas the controls of fellow maligned 3D Sonic game Shadow the Hedgehog suffered from slipping all over the place like an ice rink, the general controls of Sonic ‘06 are beleaguered by the opposite issue. Sonic feels as stiff as an overdose of Viagra pills, moving with the fluidity and grace of a paraplegic mannequin. Besides the uncomfortable restraint of his general movement, every homing attack knocks the wind out of Sonic and grinds his momentum to a screeching halt. Trying to hop from a grind rail to another one directly beside it will only result in Sonic jumping as he normally would and flying off into the abyss, and any snowboarding segment operates on a plain removed from the rational rules of physics. Precision is somehow more paramount to Sonic’s gameplay than in any previous outing, as colliding with walls or other parallel surfaces during those automated speed sequences will often result in immediate death. The roller coaster loops that have served as joyous set pieces of Sonic’s terrain since the early days on the Genesis now instill feelings of stress and worry in the player, for it’s uncertain if Sonic will careen off the track at any point while in this adrenalized instance of hectic acceleration. Actually, any instance of a spring bounce, speed booster, or any other Sonic trope where the trajectory is determined by the game is a leap of faith risking Sonic’s life–a roll of the dice where “snake eyes” is too likely an outcome to impress a sense of security. To the game’s credit, the level design for most acts offers multifaceted gameplay routes which indicate the depth of a bonafide Sonic experience. However, the additional proficiency needed to verge onto the alternate way to victory isn’t worth exercising because the faulty mechanics are a handicap that hinders the player’s heightened skill ceiling. I recommend taking the simple route in any of these levels just to ensure absolute safety.

The one recurring gameplay mode in Sonic ‘06 that encapsulates all of the aforementioned shortcomings into the pinnacle of broken bullshit is the speed sections. At the climactic point of a few levels, Sonic will proverbially unshackle his restraints used for platforming and engage his maximum velocity to its fullest extent. It sounds absolutely electric on paper, but this untethered display of Sonic’s full potential is downright perilous in every way imaginable thanks to the game’s ramshackle status. Directing Sonic through a level at a moderate pace during manual control in Sonic ‘06 is challenging enough, so imagine how furious the flairs of frustration are when the player is expected to navigate him around obstacles with his brakes cut. The obstacles in question are littered all over the field with hardly any legroom to dart around. Multiple obstacles in succession will only expose that invulnerability windows are another requisite that the game neglected to implement. Jumping over an obstacle situated on the ground should be the correct course of action, but Sonic’s hops are subdued by the unmitigated velocity of his turbo-charge which usually results in scrapping his ankle and having his rings erupt as a result. Sonic also can’t alter the course of his movement while jumping, so expect to watch in agony as he charges headfirst into his demise due to his rigidity. These sections will also shift the perspective of the camera abruptly and expect the player to assimilate to this swift adjustment in a flash or suffer dire consequences. I’d comment that these sections feel as if Jesus is taking the wheel, but Satan is the only appropriately nasty and sadistic enough divine entity that would purposefully verge the player in these disastrous directions. I’ve never been glad to experience lag while playing a video game before. When faced with these vulgar, unhinged displays of Sonic’s maximum speed, I clench my body with a nerve-racking discomfort and uncertain anxiety as I would while anticipating a thorough cavity search, and I’m not referring to the ones conducted at the dentist. All of the botched aspects of Sonic ‘06’s mechanics inadvertently turn it into the most difficult Sonic game to date, but these sections in particular sink the game even deeper into unplayable territory.

If you’re under the impression that these HD consoles still couldn’t contain the lightning-fast might of the blue blur despite their supposed advanced hardware capabilities, the distinctive mechanics of Sonic’s stupid friends will prove that Sonic ‘06 is a comprehensively abysmal experience. Again, Sonic ‘06 reintroduces another gameplay attribute from the Sonic Adventure games I adored with the playability of multiple characters. With my adult hindsight leading me to conclude that every other secondary character in that game (except maybe E-102) was lackluster compared to Sonic, imagine how that dynamic works in a game where playing as the titular character is torturous. During progress points of certain levels, the game will swap the central role of playability from Sonic to either of his Team Sonic friends. The transition between characters tends to be quite hasty, so be prepared to unwittingly lose a life or two due to the sudden change. The fluttering of Tails’ two namesake mutations sure does make a lot of noise considering all of the propulsion amounts to accelerating him at the leisurely pace of a parade float. The player might be inclined to jump through the airborne hoops to boost Tails while he flies as they did in the first Sonic Adventure but now, avoiding the rings altogether is the wiser decision because attempting to aim Tails through the hoop feels as repellent as attempting to connect magnets of the same charge. What strikes me and several others as odd regarding Tails in Sonic ‘06 is that his primary attack method is expelling ring canisters and tossing them at enemies. When has a character ever used the currency or health item associated with their franchise as a projectile weapon? Whenever the developers stopped caring, obviously. As far as Sonic’s red friend is concerned, his array of maneuvers is more recognizable but they have been soiled all the same by the game’s fractured foundation. Knuckles couldn’t even swat a mosquito on his arm considering his pitiful punch range, and he has a habit of sinking his pointy fists too deep into the walls and getting stuck as a result. I was fortunate enough to never experience this fluke, but the infamous moment from when Game Grumps played this game speaks for itself. Elise is also involved during a selection of action stages, but she only serves to subdue Sonic’s abilities when he has her clutched in his protecting arms. Her contribution to the gameplay that relieves her as a steel ball that chains and drags Sonic is that she creates an orange forcefield encompassing the two, which prevents Sonic from drowning in either water or quicksand. The protective orb looks like a cheap visual effect achieved from the free version of the simplest editing software. What exactly ignites Elise’s ability here anyway? The power of love? Gag me with a fucking spoon, Sega. I’m not as critical about incorporating multiple characters into the fray compared to the zealous Sonic fans, but I always keep in mind that they’re always going to be inferior to the titular character. When Sonic is struggling to this unprecedented extent, one can imagine that the meager alternatives with their own slew of problems are unwelcome.

In terms of the narrative, perhaps Sonic needs all of the assistance he can scrounge up to conquer the conflict of what is the grandest Sonic story ever told. If you thought that Sonic ‘06 was a by-the-books hero arc with a damsel in distress, wait until the layers of this narrative onion unfold. Unfortunately, the thickest folds of this metaphor consist of a sensitive thematic construct that tends to crumble if not given the proper consideration: time travel. This core aspect of this game’s story becomes relevant when Sonic and friends are transported by a time machine created by Eggman to Soleanna in the distant future, an apocalyptic urban hellscape flooded with lava and searing flame tornadoes called “Crisis City.” When the context behind the opening sequence is revealed, we learn that the “treasure” Eggman needs the chaos emeralds to unlock is the concentrated power of the sun God Solaris. Elise isn’t integral to achieving this goal, but she has a grim, yet vital insight regarding Eggman’s diabolical ambitions due to her father inadvertently killing himself trying to harness the power of Solaris a few years prior. Receiving an up close and personal look at Soleanna’s destitute future reveals that the stakes are dire and that Eggman’s trifling with forces beyond his element will be cataclysmic. Sonic’s pursuit in stopping the mad doctor is mostly a series of playing catch with him using Elise as the makeshift ball, losing her as quickly as he recovers her from Eggman’s clutches. Eventually, their little game of keepaway reaches a stalemate when Eggman’s callback Egg Carrier careens out of the sky with Elise on board. To negate her untimely death, the aggrieved Sonic uses the time travel properties of the chaos emeralds to revert to the moment where he catches Eggman’s starship and flees the wreckage with Elise intact. Obviously, the climax of Sonic interfering with the space- time continuum is intended to evoke feelings of relief and triumph after a scene of devastation, but even an earned moment of romance between Sonic and Elise still makes me wince. Eggman acts as if she’s ultimately superfluous to his master plan, so why didn’t the developers adopt the same attitude and drop her once the greater context of the scenario was revealed? Is Sonic getting his rocks off a new essential plot point that will persist from here on out?

Admittedly, Sonic’s arc doesn’t stray too far from the initial goal of protecting his taboo new boo from his arch-rival. However, if one reads carefully, I did technically state that the story of Sonic ‘06 superseded the triangle of interest between Sonic, Elise, and Eggman. What I did not disclose was that Sonic’s story is a mere third(ish) of the game’s entirety, so the player is far from out of the proverbial woods if they manage to conquer Sonic’s campaign. No, the greater scope of the game’s narrative is fleshed out with two other campaigns with two separate protagonists at the helm. Because the ending of Sonic Adventure 2 has been retconned continuously at this point to where I wonder if it’s even canon anymore, Shadow returns as the forefront protagonist of one the game’s major story arcs. Instead of chronically rescuing a princess and doing dirty things with her, the focal point of Shadow’s story is a figure named Mephiles. During the experiments that resulted in the death of Elise’s father, Solaris was divided into two separate manifestations, one being Mephiles and Iblis the other. Both of them have an ID and ego type of dynamic. During a scuffle with Eggman, the breaking of a mythical artifact called the “Scepter of Darkness” releases Mephiles, who proceeds to model his corporeal form after Shadow sans his mouth. A copycat isn’t a coincidence, for Mephiles’ speaking of his wishes to destroy humanity mirrors Shadow’s attitude to the point of mockery. Sonic’s unbridled positivity was never going to convince Shadow to turn the other cheek, as the only way for the black hedgehog to see the error of his ways is to echo his misanthropic disposition right back at him. Mephiles is surprisingly a better Shadow antagonist than Black Doom ever was, or at least if we are to trust that Shadow’s evil adversaries should prompt him into embracing his moral side as the hero he is perceived to be. Still, I wish the time travel component to the overall story didn’t complicate the intricacies behind the relationship between Shadow and Mephiles.

I’ve made my distaste for Sonic’s edgy doppelganger abundantly clear when I discussed previous titles in the series where he makes an appearance, so one would think that prolonging this excruciating experience with him sharing the forefront with Sonic particularly ruffles my feathers. To my surprise, Shadow’s campaign is slightly more favorable to Sonic’s because the developers have highlighted attributes of his gameplay other than speed. Shadow’s campaign is more action-oriented, littering the screen with dozens of enemies per block of a level. Shadow may not be packing heat as he was in his self-titled outing, but a “chaos blast” will effectively deplete the health bars of all enemies in its radius–making him more suitable for stomping out enemies than Sonic. Vehicles are a returning aspect of Shadow’s gameplay from his eponymous game, and the buggy, hovercraft, hang glider, and motorcycle are all unified by Shadow’s black and red color scheme despite their varied utility. Controlling them is marginally more responsive than when Shadow had the entirety of the screen time, but there is still a rudimentary quality to their acceleration that feels underdeveloped. If Sega showcased an interactive “museum” like Insomniac tends to do, riding around in these vehicles feels comparable to the rough drafts of their development that are presented as a lark. Like the quasi-Team Sonic reunion, Rogue and Omega complete Team Dark as secondary characters in Shadow’s campaign. Rogue is beset by the same glitchy climbing mechanics as Knuckles, but at least Omega’s projectiles are fitting for his character not like Tails. The improvements of Shadow’s campaign to Sonic’s are ultimately marginal, and it’s probably the more favorable one because Shadow doesn’t drive me insane with speed sections.

The last piece of Sonic ‘06’s story is unfolded through the sole series debutant Silver the Hedgehog. Unlike Sonic and Shadow who are commissioned to reside in Soleanna due to Eggman mucking about, Silver is a Soleanna native. However, he’s a citizen of Soleanna’s dismal, infernal future, which is why he pulls a John Conner and transports himself two centuries into the past to retroactively prevent what doomed his city. At first, he travels back in time with a similar objective to the T-1000, for he was manipulated by Mephiles into thinking that Sonic is the “Iblis Trigger” and strives to kill him. His confusion also results in a boss battle that stands as one of the most notorious moments of fractured fuckery in a game bursting at the seams with them. When he realizes he’s been duped and stops antagonizing Sonic, Silver alters his focus to vanquishing the actual Iblis and assisting Sonic with the time travel process whenever it’s necessary. Really, the core of the game’s overarching conflict resides with Silver’s story arc in the grand scheme of things, which is why I invested more of my attention in his campaign as opposed to the narrative lollygagging and confusing convolutions the previous two campaigns were rife with.

Despite his arc showcasing the most interesting extrapolation of the game’s events, I still couldn’t attach any personal fondness for Silver. If every hedgehog character the series introduces is intended to contrast Sonic in some way shape or form, Silver lacks Sonic’s cool charisma similar to Shadow. However, Silver is a goober instead of a brooding grouch. I don’t know whether the whiny voice acting is to blame, but the impassioned naivety of Silver comes across more as an ubergeek larping than an endearing, intrepid hero. Altogether, the hedgehog protagonist trio encompasses douchey, edgy, and dorky in an unholy trinity of cringe. In terms of his gameplay, Silver uses his psychokinetic powers in combat to lift objects like crates and fling them at enemies. The developers evidently noticed in the development process that Silver’s extraordinary abilities conflicted with the tension of combat, so they thought it wise for Silver to use his gift for moving things with his mind in the vein of puzzles. Silver’s brain teasers aren’t as consistently aggravating as Sonic’s speed sections, but one particular ball puzzle during his version of the “Dusty Desert” level is so demanding and unyielding that players commonly exploit phasing glitches to circumvent having to humor it. I, unfortunately, discovered that I never had the makings of a varsity speedrunner and had to masterfully calculate the force and trajectory of Silver’s psychokinetic pushes like a good boy. Even though Silver exists in an era beyond any other Sonic character’s mortal limits, Amy and Blaze the Cat from Sonic Rush accompany him on his quest to extinguish Iblis. I’m sure some Sonic fans will argue that Blaze being a futuristic contemporary to Silver contradicts her placement in the Sonic timeline, but I don’t give a shit. Anyway, Amy is the most sluggish out of all nine playable characters and Blaze operates like a more adroit version of Sonic. Silver’s campaign is, for the most part, the stand-out among the rest. Still, this bar is so low that not even an ant could limbo under it.

For the first time in the series, Sonic is neither the most savory nor significant figure in one of his many titles. This is probably why the developers felt no qualms about murdering the blue blur at the hands of Mephiles in the game’s final act. Elise may not be vital to Eggman’s plans, but executing her newfound love in cold blood is emotionally injurious enough to make Elise cry crocodile tears and release Iblis as a result–a cunning component of Mephiles’ scheme. Acquiring all seven chaos emeralds is also a factor in Mephiles’ plan to merge himself with Iblis to re-emerge as a wrathful Solaris ready to wipe humanity off the map. Drastic circumstances call for more manpower, which includes every other playable character in the fray for the (supposedly) grand finale of Sonic ‘06. As fittingly epic as the framing of this finale is, the idea of enduring a gauntlet of eight levels in succession with only five lives is excruciating. In execution, several characters such as Amy and Silver cannot outrun the swirling vortex of the time portals, and the sheer length of such an endeavor connotes that there are quite a bit of tidbits to memorize through failure. All of the elements of this finale aren’t as much of a stinging slap to the face as Sonic’s speed sections, but the amount of content the player must undergo without a breather is sure to cause a hefty amount of duress. Sonic is resurrected and shares his Super Sonic powers with Shadow and Silver to douse the demigod Solaris, and Elise sacrifices her memories of Sonic to prevent Solaris from ever becoming a threat to mankind. Off the record, I wish I could blow Elise away from existence so I wouldn’t have to stomach Sonic’s puppy love butterflies at every turn. Did they ever realize that Shadow and Silver have more stake in this story than he does?

I would like a formal apology from everyone who candidly shat on both Sonic Adventure games (and Sonic Heroes to a lesser extent) when I was a child. Sure, these rude comments were made before the release of Sonic ‘06, but the roaring holocaust of unspeakable, visceral horror that is Sonic ‘06 makes all of the quirky hiccups of the previous Sonic games seem like silly little quibbles in comparison. I don’t think there is a more appropriate video game comparable to the Hindenburg disaster, a bombastic display of ultra-modern technology exploding in a shocking inferno and leaving everyone awestruck at the glorious spectacle of failure. Whether it be the glitches deciding when I died, the scrambled, obtuse plot branches, the loading screens that spanned the length of a short film, or those godforsaken speed sections, I felt like I was being pinned down and sodomized at every waking moment. Do you want to know what the sad part is? Underneath all the bloated, asymmetrical, and inexcusable layers of dirt lies a solid 3D Sonic experience if the level designs and surface-level ambitions are anything to go by. My guess is that Sega put all their eggs into the game coinciding with Sonic’s fifteenth anniversary to such a great extent that they couldn’t wait another year for Sonic’s sweet sixteenth, releasing the game in its rough draft format before the developers had the chance to undergo whatever the game developer equivalent of the editing process is. Due to Sega’s impatience, hubris, greed, and total anathema for their fans, they’ve condemned what could’ve possibly been the greatest Sonic game by all contexts of the word to an embarrassing, smelly stain on the franchise that will never wash out. May God have mercy on your souls, Sega.

Shadow the Hedgehog Review

 (Originally published to Glitchwave on 6/4/2023)

[Image from glitchwave.com]

Shadow the Hedgehog

Developer: Sonic Team

Publisher: Sega

Genre(s): 3D Platformer

Platforms: GCN, PS2, Xbox

Release Date: November 15, 2005

I do not like Shadow the Hedgehog and yes, I’m referring to the character. I made this explicitly clear in my review of his debut title Sonic Adventure 2 because Sonic’s negative mode contrast doppelganger has always left a bad taste in my mouth. This should come as a surprise to anyone because Shadow is a character that catered to my age demographic during his prime. It’s hard to believe now, but the cultural landscape of the 2000s was oozing with edge. The trendy sports and reality television showcased a potential for people to be subjected to grievous pain, “Crawling”, “Bodies”, and “Down with the Sickness” were songs that were taken seriously, the bar for comedy was set to be as taboo-breaking as humanly possible, and the internet was an uncharted frontier of cutting-edge content that shocked society with both its breadth and graphicness. Compared to how restrained and socially-conscious everything has been since the mid-2010s, the years of my childhood and adolescence feel like a bygone era. Shadow the Hedgehog was designed with the intention of remastering Sonic for the new, edgy millennium, and the character successfully resonated with the youths of that time as planned. Even when I was a kid who was supposed to, however, I always thought that he was an uncharismatic jerk whose presence created a storm cloud of unnecessary, overwrought melodrama over the Sonic universe. This is why I avoided his self-titled offshoot game released in 2005 even though I was meant to eat this game up like an all-you-can-eat buffet. It didn’t help the game’s case that the general consensus was that it dug a deeper hole for 3D Sonic’s less-than-savory reputation. So you see, reviewing Shadow the Hedgehog is not a retrospective of how I perceive this game now than when I was a child like the previously released 3D Sonic games. It’s instead an instance of morbid curiosity finally instilled into me as an adult to find out if I was right in passing on this game long ago. God help me.

Shadow certainly is the most interesting Sonic character on the basis of background and moral standing. He’s got a checkered past, and the most damning thing about it is that he hasn’t the foggiest idea of what it consists of. Shadow the Hedgehog continues the same amnesia-addled mystery narrative that Sonic Heroes started with the character’s general uncertainty, and his past is only hazy to Shadow because the player is already likely privy to it from the events of Sonic Adventure 2. The only part of the mystery that will have the player scratching their heads is how Shadow still exists considering we all watched him perish in the cosmos over Earth’s orbit. Shadow’s mission in his eponymous title is to unravel the mystery of his existence, and our mission as the player is to see how deeply the developers retconned the climax of Sonic Adventure 2. All the while, Shadow must contend with an all-out war on Earth between the humans, a plague of black aliens, and an irate Dr. Eggman in the background. Shadow’s road to self-discovery is going to be a bumpy one, to say the least.

Shadow’s journey is also going to be rife with complications because he controls like absolute dogshit. People who write off all of Sonic’s 3D outings often claim that the shifty camera is the prime culprit in dooming the series to horrid mediocrity. Still, while there is some understandable merit to this criticism, no one took fault with Sonic’s controls (or at least not for all the 3D entries leading up to this point). In both Sonic Adventure titles, Sonic speeding through the levels was as smooth as a syrup enema, hence another reason why the transition to 3D for the blue blur was actually less muddled than most remember. If this is the 3D Sonic title that triggered the downfall of Sonic’s mobility for every subsequent 3D entry, I find it funny that he wasn’t even the one who caused it. Shadow moves with the grace of a college freshman girl drunk on a fifth of mango pineapple flavored Svedka, or to say that his general movement has zero amount of grace. This game’s version of Shadow would fail a sobriety test because he struggles to keep himself on a straight path. Any intentional deviations from a direct route result in swerving around with jagged dramatism, as if strafing while running was another aspect of Shadow’s amnesiac stupor. Shadow’s sludgy rate of acceleration hardly puts him on equal standing with Sonic’s lively speed capabilities either. While Shadow will not cooperate with the player, somehow, he will still constantly bump into enemies on the field as if his wonky trajectory is due to him being magnetized to them. Thankfully, Shadow only loses a modest sum of rings upon being hit as opposed to the standard penalty of losing all of them, but is this change due to the developers being fully aware that the player will encounter problems? What gives, Sega? Shadow’s lack of stability with his general movement is inexcusable and is the primary factor in the game’s poor quality.

Even though it doesn’t make a lick of sense, I guess every player should be slightly relieved because speed is not the name of the game in Shadow the Hedgehog. That is, unless the player is content with the game’s “neutral route.” The range of the six levels per campaign depends on Shadow’s actions in each level. A moral choice mechanic is implemented for each level in Shadow the Hedgehog, and a single campaign’s trajectory depends on the specific task completed. Three choices are presented to Shadow; hero, dark, and neutral, and the two opposite ends of that spectrum involve aligning with either Sonic and a number of his friends or the intimidating leader of the black aliens. Both objectives will be presented to Shadow near the beginning of each level with fairly clear instructions from either party, and Shadow will have to consistently cease his rate of speed to make a more meticulous effort in completing either task. Determining the route of Shadow’s journey on this basis is the most engaging and unique mechanic of the game, and strictly limiting the player’s route based on player choice is a great way to facilitate player choice. In saying this, it could’ve been executed a little smoother. At several different points in each level, the opposing faction of whichever task the player has assigned still pops their head up and automatically changes Shadow’s objective to their request. The player can change this in the pause menu but as we’ve learned from Ocarina of Time’s Water Temple, pausing the game to swap something out is the most vexing method of manual change. Besides that, both factions of “good” or “bad” irritate me to no end because Shadow will practically be accompanying them through the entire level. I’m either subjected to the inane chatter of a high-pitched Tails or Charmy the Bee or getting swimmer’s ear from Dr. Klaww in the shape of an evil octopus. Together, it’s like listening to a Brokencyde album, and that’s just gross.

There are a total of 23 levels in Shadow the Hedgehog, almost twice as many as the individual ones in the first Sonic Adventure title. However, the player will only experience six of them per campaign without the option to retrace one’s steps for a different outcome once the trajectory has been set. Let me just say that I fully appreciate the variety across the 22 levels featured in the game after being driven mad by repeating the same fourteen levels over four campaigns in Sonic Heroes. The player might get sick to death of playing the opening level of Westopolis, but at least there is a one in three chance that the following level will be fresh. However, until the levels were watered down and corrupted by both Team Rose and Team Chaotix respectively, the levels in Sonic Heroes were utterly enjoyable through and through despite the herculean length of some. Shadow the Hedgehog’s levels range from being promising to downright insufferable. Many level motifs are Sonic Adventure 2 reunions where we see the fallout of both Prison Island in radiated ruin, as well as some subsector of the Space Colony Ark. Crazy Gadget was an exemplary space level compared to standing and waiting to use the crumbling rubble of the ark to fall and use as platforms in Cosmic Fall. Glyphic Canyon levels offer some loops and other classic Sonic level tropes, but Shadow’s restrained velocity doesn’t result in the same electric thrills that result in Sonic blazing through them. I somewhat enjoy the vehicle-intensive levels because the hopping mech and military car somehow control better than Shadow does. I also admire Lava Shelter because it managed not to fuck up the grind rail gameplay. On the other hand, I loathe any level where Shadow has to follow an airship and destroy it, or kill every enemy in the level. Who thought the return of that god-awful Team Chaotix mission with the candles was a good idea? There simply aren’t too many exemplary standouts among the pack to compensate for the substandard ones.

Then there’s the other aspect of Shadow’s gameplay that everyone knew an entire paragraph would be dedicated to because it was the major selling point of the game. Shadow’s role as Sonic’s edgy rival in Sonic Adventure 2 buttered up all the acne-ridden pre-teens enough, but it was time to dial his coolness radar all the way up to eleven. When I saw my first indication that Shadow was getting his own game on the front cover of a 2005 issue of Nintendo Power, I couldn't believe my eyes. Not only was Shadow revved up on a bitchin Harley like he’s James fucking Dean, but he was holding a fucking hand cannon in his left hand. I was gobsmacked. Despite my shocked incredulity, what I was witnessing was true. Guns are a main mechanic in Shadow the Hedgehog, the cherry on top of any edgy sundae. Shadow will pick up the misplaced firearms from enemies he has vanquished and use them of his own volition until the ammunition runs out. If that happens, picking up another gun to use is as simple as replacing a stick to walk with on a hiking trail. The guns range from pistols and AKs to the more fictional space blasters usually found in the scrap remains of Eggman’s robots. As fucking sick as Shadow looks strapped with a loaded gun, unfortunately, it all falls apart in execution thanks to the awful controls. Good luck aiming without a targeting mechanic while Shadow is zooming around like a hornet huffing raid fumes. The player will have to resort to primarily using the guns for combat because the trademark homing attack is both pitiful and unresponsive in this game.

Guns weren’t only introduced to make Shadow the Hedgehog moisten the pants of pre-adolescents or test the limits of the new E10 rating introduced by the ESRB that the game ultimately received upon release. They are indicative of the more mature direction the developers decided to take for a more complex and dignified character like Shadow the Hedgehog *snickers loudly to self upon typing this statement*. Or at least this was the developer's sincere intentions that faltered into being Shadow the EDGEhog, a hilarious observational joke that absolutely NO ONE has ever made. In addition to the guns, Shadow also swears like the big man he is. None of these utterances surpass baby’s first curse words like “hell” and “damn,” but I’m still in disbelief that these words are present in any licensed Sonic property. Shadow asking himself where that DAMN fourth Chaos emerald is always got a chuckle out of me, and the same goes for when he tells Eggman he’s “going straight to hell” as a threat before one of their fights. My favorite unintentionally(?) funny line is when Shadow uses the age-old simile of taking candy from a baby to convey how easy taking another Chaos Emerald will be. Then, he has to elaborate that he condones such an action because he’s the baddest mofo alive. Being a grouchy misanthrope is one thing, but this crosses the line. Who wrote this shit?

So does Shadow the Hedgehog’s narrative offer anything of real substance besides abysmal attempts at making Shadow seem cool? Well, the myriad of alternate endings to each campaign should at least make the player somewhat curious. Shadow’s journey to discover the truth leads him to the shocking revelation that he’s a clone of the original Shadow made by Eggman. Or at least this piece of information is only shocking to Shadow and anyone who hasn’t played Sonic Heroes, and that game revealed this twist with much more subtlety. The seven Chaos Emeralds are still out and about for all megalomaniacs in the Sonic universe, and the three general paths revolve around who gets to reap the benefits of Shadow’s emerald hunting throughout the story. The neutral path sees Shadow selfishly seizing all the Chaos Emeralds for himself to truly fulfill his arc of being the “ultimate lifeform” he touted for himself in Sonic Adventure 2. Even the hero and dark routes lead to practically the same outcome, with the only deviation of who Shadow screws over. He leaves the Black Arms leader to rot in the true hero story, and the same fate befalls Sonic in the dark route. In one ending, Shadow and Gamma kill Eggman execution-style as the screen fades to black. Jesus Christ, Sega. Only in the semi-hero ending does Shadow feel remorseful for his past (I don’t forgive you, Shadow). I am not willing to go to the lengths needed to unlock the absolute ultimate true ending where Shadow uses all of the Chaos Emeralds to destroy the alien menace with an audience of all of Sonic and his friends seeing this act of true altruism unfold in awe. It involves objectives needed to be done across every single level that I do not have the strength or patience to stomach. I will gladly settle for Shadow’s newfound confidence in whichever choice he makes.

At the end of the day, Shadow the Hedgehog is difficult to take seriously. Instead of providing a deep, profound character study for Shadow, the result of Sega putting Sonic’s hottest new character in the limelight made an already flawed character a total laughingstock. The story, the gun mechanics, and the brooding presentation reek of trying too hard to appeal to a specific age demographic that it comes off as pandering. Still, with this game as my example, I think the true culprit of 3D Sonic’s downfall is a rushed development period. This has been well documented with future 3D Sonic bombs, and one could make an example out of Sonic Heroes released before this game. Shadow the Hedgehog, in my mind, is the first truly bad 3D Sonic game, but it’s not because the game lacks passion. Specific elements of Shadow the Hedgehog such as the malleable story trajectory are admirable, and some of the levels show real promise. If the developers had the time to hone Shadow’s shoddy controls and the way the levels juggle their objectives, Shadow the Hedgehog could’ve been a solid 3D Sonic game. With its overall direction in mind, I’m not sure that even a competent Shadow the Hedgehog would’ve won me over, but at least there would have been a dedicated number of Sonic fans defending it.

Sonic Heroes Review

 (Originally published to Glitchwave on 9/24/21)

[Image from glitchwave.com]

Sonic Heroes

Developer: Sonic Team

Publisher: Sega

Genre(s): 3D Platformer

Platforms: GCN, PS2, Xbox, PC

Release Date: December 30, 2003

Sonic Heroes, or “Sonic Zeroes”, is yet another 3D Sonic game often maligned by Sonic Fans. Actually, no one has officially dubbed this game as “Sonic Zeroes,” but I’d be willing to bet that I’m not the first one. In the timeline of Sonic games, Sonic Heroes was still a relatively early example of a 3D Sonic game. For the first time, a Sonic game did not debut on a Sega console, instead launching on all three major consoles of the sixth generation. This was the first Sonic game without the backbone of a Sega console to support it. While Sonic Heroes does not usually get the brunt of the dissension towards modern Sonic games like the Adventure titles do, it is in the same camp. Sonic Heroes holds a bit of significance for me, and it’s not exactly positive. The Sonic Adventure games were some of my favorites growing up, and I greatly anticipated the third entry. What I received instead was this game, and while I did not enjoy it nearly as much as I did the Adventure games, I still played the hell out of it. I thought it was supplementary material to hold us off until the third Adventure game was released. Boy, I wish I still had that kind of optimism as an adult. For several years since initially playing it as a kid, I’ve heard a litany of negative opinions about this game all over the internet. I somewhat agreed with the general consensus, but I forgot exactly why I didn’t like this game. I thought it was due to Sonic Adventure 3 never seeing the light of day and blaming this game for not living up to my expectations as an eight-year-old. After replaying Sonic Heroes, I realize that perhaps the criticism is a bit harsh, but there is still plenty to find fault with.

It’s a bit silly that I thought of this game as a botched Sonic Adventure 3 because Sonic Heroes was obviously never intended to be a successor to them. It bears little to no resemblance to either of them. For one, the Adventure games had ambitious, grandiose interwoven stories between six characters and an epic space adventure with incredibly high stakes. Sonic Heroes takes a backseat and offers a Sonic story so simple that I’m hesitant to even call it a story. Eggman proclaims that he will take over the world in three days. How exactly does Eggman plan to accomplish this? We don’t know, but he sends Sonic and his friends a letter telling them he’s up to something grand. The stories for the other three teams are catalyzed a little differently, but all essentially result in stopping Eggman in his vaguest diabolical scheme thus far.

A grand story like the ones presented in the Adventure games probably would’ve been too distracting. The ambition of Sonic Heroes lies in its new gameplay dynamic which is the core of the entire game. Each of the four teams comes with three different types of characters: speed characters, strength characters, and flight characters. These three types are based on the dynamic of Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles, but their attributes are translated appropriately for other characters from the franchise. The speed characters will blast through a level, defeat chains of airborne enemies, and use a tornado move to swing upwards on a pole. They are essentially the base character the player will be used to traverse through the level. The strength characters are the best in combat, easily taking down hordes of enemies and the occasional guardian with a substantial health bar. They can also break certain barriers and use a gliding move for traversal, usually when there is a giant fan present to glide upward. Lastly, the flight characters are pretty self-explanatory. This formation will always form a totem pole with the flight character on top. They’ll fly upward or across gaps and use the other team members as projectiles. When crossing a checkpoint or popping an item balloon/case, one of the characters can “level up” three times. Each time grants the character a more effective attack. After a certain point, the team can perform a “team blast,” which clears the screen of enemies and takes a chunk out of any bosses' health. One would think that constantly having to switch between three characters at all times would be an incredibly tedious, game-breaking mechanic, but it’s executed smoothly. Changing between the three characters on a team takes only a millisecond and the game gives the player enough time to determine which character needs to be used for a specific section. There are even color-coordinated suggestions placed all over each level for which team members to use. Thankfully, the foundation for this new gameplay gimmick Sonic Heroes introduces is competent.

The gameplay dynamics between the three characters aren’t the only type of chemistry presented here. There are four teams made up of recognizable characters from the Sonic franchise (although one team is debatable). Similarly to the way Sonic Adventure 2 was divided, the teams are built up of factions that revolve around a theme of the individual characters' place in the franchise. Firstly, Team Sonic comprises the three most recognizable protagonists in the Sonic universe: Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles. I think anyone familiar with the Sonic franchise would guess the relationship between these three: friendly, positive, and confident. Team Sonic is probably my favorite game because there are no complications. It’s the base for the rest of the game to work off of and the prime directive in the game’s narrative. It’s tried and true 3D Sonic, and I can’t think of anything objectionable (except for the blubbering six-year-old they got to voice Tails in this game. What was wrong with his Sonic Adventure voice actor?)

In this world, where there is Sonic, there is also Shadow. As one could probably imagine, Team Dark has an incredibly different dynamic than the one of Team Sonic. Every member is seen as inherently villainous because of their antagonistic roles in previous titles. Shadow and Omega have to learn to cooperate, as they fight each other in the beginning cutscene. Shadow, Omega, and Rogue search for Eggman, but for completely different reasons than Team Sonic. Shadow has just woken up from what looked like a cryogenic chamber and has no memory of Maria or any of the events from Sonic Adventure 2. The player should also be confused, considering Shadow plummeted to the earth in SA2 and assumedly died, so that’s certainly a point of interest for their story. Omega is hellbound on destroying Eggman and every one of his robotic creations, including himself. I didn’t like Omega as a kid because I thought this was a return of Gamma from Sonic Adventure 1 and was disappointed that he no longer had that warm charm he once had. I now realize that Omega is not Gamma, only from the same series of robots. I like Omega now because he seems to be the strongest of the strength-class characters, and sometimes his hostile dialogue makes me chuckle. Rogue is here just by circumstance; she was trying to steal from Eggman again and found Shadow and Omega. One could assume that I’d hate Team Dark just from the characters alone, but their unsavory qualities are toned down significantly here from Sonic Adventure 2. Their campaign is a slightly harder version of Team Sonic’s, with some additional bottomless pits, ring dashes, and harder enemy placements thrown in for a challenge. Because I played Team Sonic first, I found Team Dark’s story easier. I had gotten a sense of flow from the game by then and already knew what to expect. I’m not stating that Team Dark is insignificant. This is just the natural flow of progression.

If the player is playing the stories in order like I did, the game takes a huge decline after Team Dark as the player starts Team Rose. It’s Sonic Heroes for your little sister, and I’m not saying that to disparage any young female gamers. I simply can’t imagine why anyone would pick Team Rose first over any other team in the game. A team consisting of Amy, Cream, and Big the Cat? What other demographic besides little girls did the developers have in mind here? Team Rose acts as an easy mode, a regression from Team Sonic and the polar opposite of Team Dark. Of course, the game becomes much easier after the player has beaten it twice already with two different teams, but Team Rose would be a facile affair regardless. There is a patronizing tutorial mode at the beginning, each team blast grants temporary invincibility, and the length of each level is cut in half. There practically isn’t a reason for Team Rose to exist. Their lackluster story of finding Froggy and Cream’s chao’s sibling doesn’t make a point for their significance either. The only use I got out of them was that getting to the special stages was much easier, and Big the Cat is still fucking hysterical, but for all the wrong reasons. Whenever he utters a line of dialogue, I don’t know whether to burst out laughing or coil back as a reaction to retching.

The last team is Team Chaotix, the one team composed of three characters that I’m sure will make most people go “who?” For those who don’t know, they have shelved characters from a failed Sega 32X game from 1995 called Knuckles Chaotix. The game sort of had a team dynamic like Sonic Heroes but executed in the worst way possible. The developers thought it would be appropriate to give them another chance in a similar game. Espio, Vector, and Charmy are resurrected as freelance workers who work as a team to do odd jobs. They are low on cash and desperate for work, which is why they don’t question a mysterious package with a one-lined walkie-talkie commanding them orders. Team Chaotix acts as a mission mode in which the team goes throughout the levels with some added objectives. These range from collecting snails, defeating enemies, blowing out torches, etc. At this point, playing the game again as Team Chaotix is tiresome, but at least the three characters have a nice sense of chemistry together. It’s refreshing to get some characters in a Sonic game that are INTENTIONALLY goofy for once. I also think it’s funny that Eggman gets so desperate in his situation that he has to hire what is essentially the Saul Goodman of odd-job workers to come and save him.

Unfortunately, the major grievance that most people have with this game is the lack of variety with each team. All of them have different dynamics in terms of characters, but this is definitely not the case for the levels. Whether the player is breezing through with Team Rose or trying to navigate over a series of bottomless pits with Team Dark, the levels are in the same order with almost exactly the same layout. As one could probably imagine, this gets old after a while. Fortunately, most of these levels are some of the strongest levels I’ve played in a 3D Sonic game. Each level is completely different in theme and design, and there are only two per theme, so they never wear out their welcome for one campaign. Seaside Hill and Ocean Palace are bright, sunny, and breezy, a perfect starting point for the game. Grand Metropolis has some of the most thrilling uses of the roller coaster track design Sonic is known for. Rail Canyon is a hectic loop of rail grinding that will test your reflexes. Frog Forest has always been one of my favorites from this game, probably due to the spectacle of the green jungle. Hang Castle makes fair use of a gravity mechanic, and I’m always drawn toward horror-themed levels. Egg Fleet and Final Fortress take the player right into the heart of Eggman’s shark-themed armada high up in the stratosphere. This level is so epic in scale that I’m almost sad to admit it puts the Egg Carrier from Sonic Adventure 1 to shame. The only level I didn’t care for was the casino levels because the pinball sections were frustrating. While these levels are individually very strong, they do not hold up well with the repetitive nature of the game.

Having to repeat the same levels four different times is most likely because Sonic Heroes was a rushed project. It’s somewhat executable because the levels are fun, but the most egregious aspect of this rushed development is the number of glitches. In many instances, the characters will fall through the ground, some ramps will take the player to oblivion, switching between grind rails will result in falling off of them, and good luck if the player ever accidentally changes characters during a pinball section. These glitches are more common with the Xbox and PS2 versions because the developers “didn’t know how to develop games for those two consoles yet.” I suppose I should count lucky that I have this game on the Gamecube, but I still encountered plenty of these glitches. I don’t think I have to explain why glitches that punish the player are inherently bad as they should be a demerit for any game.

The bosses in Sonic Heroes are a double-whammy of not holding up upon repeat encounters and not being substantial enough to hold their own in quality. There are three types of bosses throughout each campaign: an Eggman vehicle boss, a fight with another team, and an endurance fight with waves of enemies. The Eggman vehicles can be beaten in a matter of seconds, spamming the attacks of the strength characters with Egg Hawk and the homing attacks of the speed character with Egg Albatross. The team fights can also be defeated in seconds by spamming the tornado with the speed characters. The endurance fights inherently feel shoehorned as any endurance fight against waves of enemies tends to feel in any game. Remember how everyone collectively got tired of encountering Chaos 4 in Sonic Adventure? Sonic Heroes will teach the meaning of monotony to those with those gripes. Egg Emperor is the only boss that feels somewhat inspired as it’s the only challenging fight, but this sense of gratification does not hold up upon beating him three more times. The final boss at the end also does not feel like a culmination of each character's story but rather feels like extra content. Not only is this because of the slog of beating the game four times, but because of the esoteric means of unlocking this final section. To access the game’s finale, the player has to complete every special stage with either of the four teams. The player has to get a key and not receive any damage until the end of the level. This is the only aspect that gives Team Rose any credence to being featured because this is easier to accomplish with them (it’s also a funny thought that Team Rose is the most powerful of these teams because they are the only ones with the Chaos emeralds). If Team Chaotix’s story of rescuing Eggman didn’t give anything away, the true villain of this story is Metal Sonic, and the only crime Eggman is guilty of here is being a shyster and not paying Team Chaotix. He’s been disguising himself as Eggman and using his fleet to conquer the world...or something like that. The fight against him features each team taking down his force, with the final Super Sonic section capping it off. For some reason, the portion of this fight with Team Chaotix was the most difficult, while Team Sonic’s section was piss easy. This is anything but a satisfying fight to conclude the game.

Ultimately, I think if Sonic Heroes had a longer development time (if I can trust my sources on this), the game would’ve proved to be as exceptional as either Sonic Adventure game. It presented a mystifying concept that actually proved to work, it presented a cast of (mostly) recognizable and charismatic characters from the Sonic franchise, and the levels are consistently fun and varied. However, the flaws with this entry are so glaring that it’s difficult to look past them. There should be no excuse for faulty glitches and the amount of repetition. For a long period, I thought I hated this game for deviating from the Sonic Adventure name I had grown to love and starting what I thought was the series' decline. Upon replaying it, I’m happy to declare that it’s still a solid 3D Sonic game, all things considered. However, I am still not uttering Sonic Heroes in the same breath as the two Adventure games, and those games still have plenty of flaws themselves. Since Sonic Heroes came out, there have been MUCH worse outings from the blue blur, so maybe time and retrospection have also aided this game, for better or worse. It’s still in a rocky position for the franchise.